Matthew Ward - Fade to white
5 år sedan
lördag, december 24, 2005
fredag, december 23, 2005
Have a PC christmas!
POLITICALLY CORRECT SEASONAL GREETING
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious and/or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.
AND
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great, (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country, or is the only country with a rich cultural
diversity) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
SUPPLEMENTARY TERMS AND CONDITIONS
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Please accept with no obligation:
Love (where appropriate) or else "fondly", or just "cheers".
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious and/or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.
AND
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Britain great, (not to imply that Britain is necessarily greater than any other country, or is the only country with a rich cultural
diversity) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the wishee.
SUPPLEMENTARY TERMS AND CONDITIONS
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
Please accept with no obligation:
Love (where appropriate) or else "fondly", or just "cheers".
torsdag, december 22, 2005
tisdag, december 20, 2005
Juldikt
Midvinternattens köld är svår, tio små nissar i djup snö går.
Rävsax under täcket vitt, klipper nisse av på mitt.
Livsandan snabbt i honom tryter, strax i eget blod han flyter.
Nio små nissar i midnattstimma, traskar fram i månskensdimma.
Uggla hoar från sitt näste, istapp trillar tyst från fäste.
Nisse spetsas utav tappen, tomte ligger död på trappen.
Utanför dörren står gröten och ångar, åtta små nissars intresse den fångar.
Med stigande hunger de fatet nalkar, en stackars tomte på kanten halkar.
Han sliter, han kämpar, han svettar sig blöt, men sjunker likväl i kvicksandslik gröt.
Många springor stugan har, där sju tomtenissar in sig tar.
Katten bakom dörren ruva, slukar nisse med hull och luva.
Rester utav tomtehand, slickar misse bort från tand.
Sex små nissar mot julbordet ila, Snabbt de uppför bordsben kila.
Sista tomten över kanten hasar, tappar greppet och nedåt rasar.
Faller nedåt likt ett lod, mattan röd av tomteblod.
Tomtar fem i väldig iver, springer runt ty hungern river.
Nisse snubblar på sitt skägg, faller rakt mot knivens egg.
Liten nisse stackars saten, rinner ut i sillsalaten.
Fyra nissar har festat på sill, och nu de törsten sin släcka vill.
Mot glöggen de springer i samlad tropp, och tar för sig av drycken i varsin kopp.
Ner faller nisse i glögghett hav, likt skållad mandel hans skinn faller av.
Tre små nissar i granen sig svingar, mellan ljus och änglavingar.
Nisse sig för nära våga, strax han står i ljusan låga.
Doftar snart likt vidbränd stek, ångrar då sin ystra lek.
Två små tomtar omkring sig tittar, då en smällkaramell de hittar.
Nisse ner på den hoppar, men för detta ej den stoppar.
På tak, på golv, på gardin med frans, finns nu nisses hjärnsubstans.
Husbon stiger upp i natten, för att kasta lite vatten.
Under husbons tunga toffla, förvandlas nisse till krämig våffla.
Snön ligger vit lite här o var, inte en jävla tomte finns kvar.
Rävsax under täcket vitt, klipper nisse av på mitt.
Livsandan snabbt i honom tryter, strax i eget blod han flyter.
Nio små nissar i midnattstimma, traskar fram i månskensdimma.
Uggla hoar från sitt näste, istapp trillar tyst från fäste.
Nisse spetsas utav tappen, tomte ligger död på trappen.
Utanför dörren står gröten och ångar, åtta små nissars intresse den fångar.
Med stigande hunger de fatet nalkar, en stackars tomte på kanten halkar.
Han sliter, han kämpar, han svettar sig blöt, men sjunker likväl i kvicksandslik gröt.
Många springor stugan har, där sju tomtenissar in sig tar.
Katten bakom dörren ruva, slukar nisse med hull och luva.
Rester utav tomtehand, slickar misse bort från tand.
Sex små nissar mot julbordet ila, Snabbt de uppför bordsben kila.
Sista tomten över kanten hasar, tappar greppet och nedåt rasar.
Faller nedåt likt ett lod, mattan röd av tomteblod.
Tomtar fem i väldig iver, springer runt ty hungern river.
Nisse snubblar på sitt skägg, faller rakt mot knivens egg.
Liten nisse stackars saten, rinner ut i sillsalaten.
Fyra nissar har festat på sill, och nu de törsten sin släcka vill.
Mot glöggen de springer i samlad tropp, och tar för sig av drycken i varsin kopp.
Ner faller nisse i glögghett hav, likt skållad mandel hans skinn faller av.
Tre små nissar i granen sig svingar, mellan ljus och änglavingar.
Nisse sig för nära våga, strax han står i ljusan låga.
Doftar snart likt vidbränd stek, ångrar då sin ystra lek.
Två små tomtar omkring sig tittar, då en smällkaramell de hittar.
Nisse ner på den hoppar, men för detta ej den stoppar.
På tak, på golv, på gardin med frans, finns nu nisses hjärnsubstans.
Husbon stiger upp i natten, för att kasta lite vatten.
Under husbons tunga toffla, förvandlas nisse till krämig våffla.
Snön ligger vit lite här o var, inte en jävla tomte finns kvar.
måndag, december 19, 2005
Inane sex joke
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep
under his arm and says: "this is the pig I have to
sleep with when you're not up for sex".
His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep". He says:
"I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep".
under his arm and says: "this is the pig I have to
sleep with when you're not up for sex".
His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep". He says:
"I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep".
Cops and horses
A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a
little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike,"
the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl
said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a
safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a
reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got
there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at
the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa
the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top!
little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike,"
the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl
said, "he sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a
safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a
reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got
there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at
the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa
the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top!
lördag, december 17, 2005
söndag, december 11, 2005
lördag, december 03, 2005
fredag, december 02, 2005
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